Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
