So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
