I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Less talking, more tequila
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
