where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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