wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
