am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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