I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
