I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have feelings that need drinking.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
