Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
