I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
