look no pants
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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