Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
