I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
