How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
