your parents love me but you hate me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
