how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
