life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
