i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
