i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
