can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
