She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
