Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
