You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
