Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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