Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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