Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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