she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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