Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
