Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
