she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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