after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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