remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
