just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
3 2 1 whiskey
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
