I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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