A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
