You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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