mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
