he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
