"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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