Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
