Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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