dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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