somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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