You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
