so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
