you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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