Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
