420 ftw
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
