So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
