you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
