Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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