I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I party with great urgency now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
